Fireduck

1999.06.26

Good old mind altering chemicals releases by something or other after a reasonably expenditure of enery through movement. I biked out....ended up at the town center to find peeps. That was not my original objective, but I suspected I would end up there. No chicks and nothing going on that dark falling like an old man chasing pigeons with a cane on downers so I left and came back. Showered. Ate. Bored again, but I kinda feel good now.

Oh yea...I will sumarize what I was bitching about last night....how much time will I spend moving money from one persons pocket to anouther? Most of you stiffs have jobs, which means you goto work for the man and at some regular interval you receive a check or cash under the table or wahtever from said man. I run a bussiness, which in this case means I irregularly collect small checks, cash, odd money orders, small little stars and such. After collecting all this, I smile at the number of digits and then turn it into a small number of large checks that are paid to the man. Oh well. you never get rich working for someone else, but doing your own thing aint all that if you are just trying to put food in your gut and maybe buy pretty shinny things for the earth angel on your arm.

Speaking of which, I need/want one of them. I generaly find enough that meet my criteria...some integrity, integence, humor and a smile....I would like to say looks don't matter, but I hate lieing. Looks don't matter alot to me, but a kind smile framed on a decent face can be forgivin of many things. Anyways, whatever criteria they have, apparently I don't meet. The ammount I get my hopes up dosen't help to much either. I usally die once a month or so. but I usally get back up.
often the different between being alive and being of the living dead is determination. Usally when I die, I skulk for a while, but then make the pain-in-the-ass-grumpy-old-bastard decision of getting back up. Maybe eventually I will be successfull....would be nice for a change...but would take chalange out of things a bit.

Wonder if anyone actually reads this. Probably a good insight if anyone is intersted in my particular madness I have going over here. Talk Hard. Tact can burn in the streets. I would know nothing is someone didn't everyonce in a while prove me wrong when I get cocky and to point it out when I am being a jerk. I usally try not to be a jerk, but often I am to tired or in my own world to care much.
What the hell is this I am listining too? I hate live music. It is kinda cool if you are there, I see not fucking point in listening to recordings of live music. It generally sucks and has a mass of losers who were cool enough to be there yelling stupid shit. If you want to listen to the music, the cd version is much cleaner. Maybe I am a perfectionist phyco. Maybe it is good. Keeps shit from getting out of control. I am a perfectionist about something, but there are also somethings that I just let goto hell because I don't care and have more important things to do. You gotta chose your battles. It is amazing the conversations that can be begun and ended by telling someone the truth. I heard something said by some CIA guy who worked with diplomats. He said the best way of confusing embasadors was telling them the truth. They always assume you are lieing about something. Nothing suprises people like the truth...naked, direct and with big teeth. My thanks to everyone who tells me the truth.

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