Fireduck

1999.07.23

I hate money. Don't want to work, just want to bang on the drums all day. Actaully I don't play or own any drums and I dont really mind working because I do what I like, but I think I heard that somewhere and it fits my mood. I just wanna do my thing and not have to worrry about if my checks will bounce or if I will have enough money to go out to eat with friends....oh well, such is life. Heard something today. Wisdom of dune. Change awakes something in ourselves that makes us stronger...and if we never have to change, that sleeper will never awaken and we will be less than we were. What I do today, may make me more able to deal with tomorrow, of if today is too soft, less able to deal. I am being a slack bastard this summer, so I don't know. Probably a little softer in some ways, but a little stronger in others. In the end, I suspect that when chalanged I will chose my battles, and the ones I chose I will win, but I will not win them all. If I have something to prove that day, perhaps I will win most of them, or do it very well, but who knows...someone, anyone....when I am a rich old prick...remind me what it is like to be a plebian sub-urbanite trying to pay bills. I think good old whinny churchill said "Anyone can handle adversity, but to truely test a man, give him power." I must keep that in mind...it applies on all scales...It applies if you are rich with millions of dollars and can do wahtever, or if you are just a lowly sys-admin with control over user's stuff. Power corupts, but vigalance can counter it. That and some friends to smack you areound and say whatup when you go a stray. A friend to me is someone who speaks the truth. Even if you don't want to hear it...no, especially if you don't want to hear it...I can only see through my own eyes, and the look always in just one direction, like a predator....so I need people with eyes and brains to point out what I can't see because it is too close. That is a friend...someone who will save you from yourself. Anyone who does not give you the truth does so for a reason....usally to manipulate you in some way. When I feel that I am being controled...I have a very strong urge to rebel against that control and strike out at what tries to control me. If you wish to move me, give me the truth and if I should, I will move myself.

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