Fireduck

1999.09.08

chicks.....they do crazy stuff...makes no bloody sence to me...christ...when was prom? 4 months ago? I still can't get jessica out of my head...what the hell did she do...I think it is mainly that I never at any point knew what she really thought....it was always so far away from the surface...she would always talk about what she was doing (random activites, exciricual stuff, school) but nothing about what she really wanted....like she was hiding by absorbing herself in stuff to do....at my age, I am in no position to judge the validity of that tack, or if it is better than the insane running into walls that I do...but it dosen't seem right to me....I always beleive that we can't do anything other that be as we feel and do what we think it right....anything else seems fake to me...what is the point of being alive if you are afraid to live?...maybe you will get your nose bloodied...maybe you will end up face down in the dirt, but you will be alive...and no one can deny that...it is just real that way....maybe I misread jessica and that is not what she was doing...I don;t know. I have no fucking idea. I don't know who she was or what she stood for...all I know is that I could feel a sense of power and control from her....it seemed that she kinda knew what she was doing..except for a few seconds when I steped up...I wish her luck in whatever she chooses to do...I wonder if she knows who I am.

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