Fireduck

1999.11.08

Y2K is comming! Repent your sins so you can create new ones. I don't know about you, but just on principal I think that I have to do something crazy on new years this year. For the very least to have a good story to tell the grandkids. It will end something like this: "And that was why the police had to arrest me from the top of the lincon memorial". What are we if not a collection of memories? Oi, I'm not even going to touch that. Yes I am, but I am too fragmented at the moment to do so. I am broken. Some peeps broke me. I have to fix myself...actually it was mostly me breaking myself. I don't know why...last night I ripped appart everything I know...everything I thought I was...everything that makes me know who I am...I sat there for a long time with nothing left...no idea what I was doing....finally I fell asleep. I don't know why I did that. Maybe it was because a part of my mind knew that I grow new, I needed to burn the old growth...to forget what I was taught, to start from a base level again...maybe it was some phycological issue that I haven't managed to deal with yet. I don't know. I know that today I generally felt decent...kinda like I learned something about who I am and where I want to go. I also know that my shoulder hurts like hell. Pain reminds me that it is there. Sitting here typing probably dosen't help.

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