Fireduck

2000.06.24

I wish I could always be like I am right now...right now I feel things...I know how I think about things...things make sense because I know where I am with them...cause I feel it...I feel my place.. I feel what should do...there is no doubt...there is only the world and me dancing with it....this of course means that I drank alot of vodka....to be this free...to free myself from my self imposed exile from the world....to be free to actually beleive something...to not just have a minor opinion...to now have any feelings...in the world I sually pretent to be in...I anticipate everything...nothing can hurt me because I have anticipated everything that can go wrong so I expect it and have built walls for it...I hide...I hide be being prepared...I hide behind a pathetic frigthened survivialish fascad....I wish I could be who I am now...I wish I was strong enough to admit feeling so strong about something that I cry....but I'm not that strong...I just hide...I pretend to be wise so that no one will question me because secretly I can't handle being questioned...I pretend that my mandate is truth and honesty but all I really do is live a drawnout lie....the musics over..its time to goto bed. Tomorrow I will wake up inside a prison and not even know I'm in it. Night.

first prev next last

single page RSS Feed