Fireduck

2003.10.22.21.04.07

Reflection Essay - This above all.

I have always considered myself unique. I revel in creative thinking and new ideas. I consider "smartass" a compliment. I never like questions like "what is your major?" or "what do you do?" Most answers I could give would fail to capture the essence of my character. I dislike being categorized; I dislike being labeled and discounted. Part of my objection to such classification is intellectual and logical. A person categorized by some stereotype will have a hard time breaking through the expectations that the stereotype establishes. Labeling limits expectations and expectations influence actions. Stereotyping can establish unrealistically high or depressingly low expectations. In either case, these expectations make it hard to develop unique character. The other part of my objection stems from my possibly arrogant belief that I am special and unique and therefore no one should attempt to encapsulate me in a simple term. My purpose here is to discuss some of the traits I believe make me unique and my logic for why I do them as best as I can determine it.

Much can be learned from analysis of someone's relationship with the social environment they find themselves in. I prefer to bend my environment to my will rather than let it bend me; I believe that adhering to my personal ethos despite any adversity is one of the most important contributions I can make. I am not always as resolute as I would like to be. I am at heart a very trusting and malleable soul. However, I know the trouble and regrettable choices malleability can bring about. I now try to take an active role as possible in deciding what goes on around me. I enjoy voicing the dissenting opinion in a group and by force of argument and personality swaying the majority towards my view or at least making my view respected. How I shape my environment is not nearly as important as how I let it shape me. I endeavor to not allow people around me to influence my emotional state unduly. Of course, I do not always succeed. The challenge of self-improvement is one of the more satisfying aspects of being human.

If I know someone who I do not like, over time I try to forget what I do not like about the person. That way if I encounter the person again, I do not compel by expectation the person to be the same jerk that I knew before. I like to give people the opportunity to improve without having to worry about my past judgments. This way, I find myself surrounded by fewer jerks than the average person, I think. There are some exceptional cases however. Some transgressions cannot be forgiven easily.

I think that we have a predisposition to think about many options or situations in life as dual in nature. Every coin has two sides. In law you are either guilty or innocent. In war you are friend or foe. In morals you are right or wrong. We apply the same duality of thinking in making decisions. In movies and plays - as well as our own lives - the protagonist finds two possible actions, weighs their pros and cons and chooses one. Often both options are in some way negative, and the situation is simplified to a dilemma. I believe that this dual thinking is a major flaw. Every coin is a sphere with an infinite number of sides. There are always more than two options. When confronted with the options of working or further education, I chose both. I managed to find a situation where I can work from my apartment and still go to school. I come to important decisions; I always look for options beyond the obvious ones. Don't just think outside the box, smash it and light it on fire with disdain.

I fear the above text is full of my limited wisdom. The only activity I like better than talking about myself is giving people my sophomoric advice. In the end, it all comes down to me trying to improve myself to make me happier with who I am.

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