Fireduck

2005.01.23.00.24.20

It is ok to not have all the answers. It is ok to not have a plan, to not know what to do. It is like being a little on fire, but instead of loosing skin and flesh it burns years. It is something that should be attacked but wont nessesarily kill you. I have no idea what I am doing. I think I have more of an idea than most in that I think about it and have ideas. However...what the fuck do I know? I need to fucking relax. The world will keep on even if I dont do anything. Doing nothing is what I fear the most...I fear being like everything else...I fear living for myself and doing nothing greater...I fear just trying to be...I fear living for myself...thinking about it, I am clearly neurotic...however that is not new information. I have a bit too much of a desire to be the tragic hero to just be...my identity is defined by my beleif that I am somehow important or will be import...that I will make a difference. Logicly I know I am not that special...I am not that smart....I am not that good...I dont have the work ethic actualy get anything done...however, if I fully accept that I dont know that I can live with it. I am too much the nilhist for that...if I don't think I will do something important, why bother living at all?

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