I wager more than I can afford on a single deal. I put it all in and go to the
wall with it. I know I live and die with this one thing.
It turns out shitty. Even if I didn't see it all that time, that look in her
eye tonight tells me that I am nothing. If I weren't a fucking stubborn son of
a bitch I would have known that five months ago, but I hold to hope. I hold it
so long that I think it is going to kill me. I let it tear me apart. I sit
huddled in a ball thinking that I never want to feel this way again...that I
can't take more of this. But that is the fucking joke. I can take this. It
might be a few days before I can stand up again, but I will and I do. I can
take this indefinably. I don't know if that means I am strong or stubborn or
the sorriest son of a bitch who ever had the misfortune of living, but I can
take it and I can go on. Don't ask what that look in my eye is...you don't want
to know. There are four lights.
©1999-2009 Joseph Gleason. Duplication of above materials prohibited without express written permision. All Rights Reserved.